Let me tell you a bit about our household the Duong7.
It's been a year since my wife, Hailey, Abbey, Olivia, Evan and Kennedy's mommy, Heather Duong Passed away. We miss her.
The loss that we as a family have felt is immense. But as Heather would have wanted, we keep going. I do my best to keep the kids active and keep their heads clear of the sorrow. They are pretty resilient. But they miss mommy. I do too. While I do not breakdown daily any longer, I have some very down times. It's gotten to the point that the kids know to cool it when they see me upset. I do not want to ever be ok with her passing, but the sorrow sucks. It's a funky time. I miss her. We miss her. I'm sure that a lot of people miss her.
Over the last year, I've spoken to a lot of people and have received a lot of encouragement wonderful encouragement. I've had the awkward moments when people have no clue what to say, and that's cool. In fact I find it easier to just nod and hug rather than be told some standard pacification that we all feel needs to be said. It's ok, you're welcome to do what you feel is right and comfortable for you.
Through this, I have been able to meet a lot of people that knew Heather and hear stories from them on how she impacted them with her love and generosity. Keep those coming. I really love those. I had a few people tell me that because of her they were taking their diabetes much more seriously. What cool stuff. Heather was amazing. She impacted far more people than I could have imagined.
I've also heard folks talk about loosing their parents at 6,8,10, and 12. One thing that has gotten me was that a lot of people do not remember their deceased parents. They only have pictures and that's it. They say that it was as if it happened and they went on with a life where their parents were just not discussed. That a part of "healing" was forgetting. I find that notion more tragic than the loss of their parent physically.
This will not happen on my watch.
Here's what I do to keep the memory of Heather alive for the kids.
We have regular conversations of the fun that we had with mommy.
One of our favorites is to talk about her wonderful laugh it would start off with a soft huh and finish with a stronger HAHAHAH. Kind of like huh HAHAHAH!!! It was an open mouth laugh usually followed with a warm touch of your back of her head on your shoulder. I show them pictures of themselves with her and we talk about the stories behind the pictures. They really enjoy that. Kenzo being the baby has taken it the hardest. We have this exercise where we "Talk to Mommy". We talk about what's going on with the Duong7 and How much we miss her. This really comforts Kenzo a lot. Sometimes I "talk to Heather" aloud too. I go out of my way to talk about the wonderful rather than the sad. Who wants to dwell in those memories?
One thing we know for certain is that Mommy is in Heaven because she asked Jesus to be her Lord and savior. SHE'S IN HEAVEN. Shes with Jesus and living in glory, a place so amazing that you can't help but be joyful. I could only imagine. She's is ready for us to come to the party, and has a sweet spot for us at the pool where we can use an even bigger inflatable swan than we have. She's the life of the party and has a new body, a healthy one, one with no pain and she is able praise God like a boss. Her chains are gone and she is free.
Heather was wonderful. She would be so proud of the kids and what they have been up to. I have no idea how she kept their schedule together like she did. Just an amazingly talented and loving woman. Please don't think that every day was perfect. Who cares about the crap right?
- Tuan
